Mercilessly...

"In daylight and up close, he was merciless, all smiles and freckles, the brightest, boldest flame a moth could wish for."

Alexis Hall. 

And like a small child grabbing her mother's saree tip in a crowded street, I always tried to grab that fickle minded happiness.

( Cut open my rib cage and watch the moth fly away...) 

I have mercilessly cut short my hair when my own doubts infiltrated my thoughts with the absolute tradition of keeping jet black long hair, I have stabbed my heart mercilessly until it bled into words of poetry and abstract writing, I have mercilessly burned my chest with the dwelling sensation of heartbreak and disappointments, I have mercilessly went after something that will never be mine, never. I have loved mercilessly, like a dreary fairytale, a demonic love story and the cost of it was to choose the trails of unholiness from the path of holiness. I have mercilessly punished my body for not eating for days. I have mercilessly given invisible scars to my veins. I have mercilessly tortured my mind, emptying the aching out of it, crying and emptying my watery eyes in ungodly hours. I mercilessly lost my appetite and kept myself untidy. I have mercilessly taken medicines to keep my inner demon in peace... 

And if "this savage mercilessness" is pertaining to happiness, then I have never denied it, because to me, happiness have always been fickle-minded. Like a small child grabbing her mother's saree tip in a crowded street, I always tried to grab that fickle minded happiness and i kept a firm hold to it, even if it caused rashes on my palm. 

And what have I gained by writing up a distorted content like this? 

An unexplained feeling of sanity and bittersweet happiness, just like how the moth feels while moving ahead of a vigorous burning flame, unknown to his reality that he will be burned alive, mercilessly... 

Note for the readers~

I have mercilessly used mercilessly like umpteenth times. This may or may not be taken as a cliche. It is all upto you.