The electrocution diaries

  ...a doll carnage slash broken angel-insect....but in their eyes, she is always a mad woman, the dark side of the moon...                                                                             

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The footsteps following her sounded closer.  She ran through the empty corridors of the hospital, her heart pounding with terror.  She turned a corner and stopped short. 

She had reached a dead end. So she waited.... quietly...holding her breath, until they were gone.  If only she wished they were gone.  As she was about to make a move, six hands grabbed her forcefully.  Her weak body was trying to defend herself.  Those heavy hands almost made her feel like they were crushing her nerves.  She started to scream, loudly.  She screamed as they were dragging her over the floor. Her scream was echoing back at her. They put her onto the bed.  

" Oh no.  Not those green sheets again.  Not those blinding lights again.  Not those strange people with white dress again."  I do not want this again".

"It is not my fault that so many people live inside in my head.  I hear voices, undesirable voices that follows me even in my sleep.  They don't allow me to make any friends." 

"I speak a lot to myself but it doesn't have to mean that i am distraught."

"This whole set up was to make me cure but cure of what? I never asked for a cure, did i?"

She was trembling with anxiety and pain.  Her heart was pounding with terror.

She has been through this before.  Time after time, she has survived this mental carnage.

She held up the courage to endure what was going to happen.

They stared at her for a minute and checked her health status one last time(the medical rituals). A heavy sigh and then the doctor nodded to the rest of the people in that room. There was a bit of a silence and only she could hear them breathing heavily.  They all looked at her with pity eyes and  everyone clearly knew what had to be done. 

They tenaciously grasped her helpless hands.  She was still screaming.

"No."

"No.....Please....No."

She repeatedly said No.

The Decorum of the room was disturbed.  A syringe was pulled out and was pierced through her bruised wrists. She struggled, even with a heavy dose of anesthesia. 

Her denial slowly faded into distant mumbling...

Strong determined hands chained her weak bare feet and pale arms.  They hastily fixed that disgusting cold mouth guard inside her mouth, sticked those torturous piece of metal on her forehead, a directing nod from the doctor and then goes the sound of that goddamn switch...

CLINK.

Her eyes were dryly roaming across the room, tears welling up from the corner of her eyes, legs shaking, toes curling up, hands rigid and yet convoluted, trying to reach out for help, skin turning white with sweat dangling on her forehead, the disrupted yelp of her sealed mouth, eyes all frozen on her and waiting for the clock to turn it off. The pain slash therapy went on for a minute. 

Clink.

She will open her eyes, her numb body waking up in that wrinkled sheet, knowing the vicious circle she has to go through, once again.

                                   

//a fictional fragment //                                                   ***